First, in honor of Father's Day at the request of my father this is not a "to kill" list but a list of people/things that need to be eliminated from this planet. Kill being a rather violent word, does not really promote world peace now does it. Happy Father's Day!
Second, this list is in no order of importance and it doesn't matter to me which of the listees is sent on to greener (redder and hotter) pastures first.
Here we go buckos:
Jessica Simpson/Britney Spears/Christina Agulliara: There has been an overall movement in the music industry over the past 15 years of making highly formuliac bubble gum, tenny bopper, crap. Well these three ladies (and a few less famous others) have taken this formula to a new level. Dumb, trashy, slutty blondes, who can barley "sing". Now I will give Christina a bit of credit, as she can sing, but is this what we want our teens looking up to? I mean if these ladies were 350lbs and black they would not even have seen the light of day . . . And the depths of their vapitude. Crap is crap even if you paint it red.
Ashlee Simpson/Avril Lavigne: Now these two, follow the formula above with a little punkiness and attitude. Simpson is even more annoying riding the coattails of her "more talented" and better looking sister. These chicks are o so fake while keeping it real.
Brendon Fraiser: What is the appeal of this doofus . . . he looks like your typically mentally challenged cousin who only comes out for family reunions. Women find him attractive . . . .? I can understand Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, but brain dead? *Malach Shakes head*
Creed/3 Doors Down/Nickelback/Bush/ et al: You know, I detested Stone Temple Pilots at one time, as a talented cover band. Trust me, listen to their first few albums and compare them to Alice in Chains, Nirvana, or Pearl Jam (in fact my pet name for STP was Stone Temple Pearl Jam). Now these bands, and that whole emo-hard rock genre is nauseating. They can all sing each other songs, and every song is the same thing. They all do a bad Nirvana impersonation. I can even now stomach STP somewhat.
Limp Biskit: Is this the worst band of the past 30 years? I mean, my three year old could write those songs.
I did it all for the nookie, so you can take that cookie
. . the talent cup overrunneth.
Clay Aiken: Why is this man adored. He tries this sexy crooner routine; who is really buying that. CLAY YOU ARE GAY (And there is nothing wrong with that)! He looks like if Richie Cunnigham, Conan O'Brien, and Howdy Doody, had a kid. And that voice, make him the lead for you local community theater or maybe drag club.
Jorge Posada/Isaiah Thomas: Ever just want to slap someone. I don't even really know why. They are/were good enough ball players, and it is not like Jorge is outspoken. I just see Isiah's smile, or Jorge Dumbo ears and I lose it.
Vin Deisel: So your telling me I can shave my head, take the juice and have the acting skills of a plank and be rich and famous? And his movies do really well. Ever see
Fast and the Furious? I mean all at one time. Really? I'm impressed. Out acted by a duck too.
Steven Seagal/Jean Claude Van Damme: More just want to put these two out of their misery, than elimate him. We don't need more straight to video movies. It's only a matter of time before they are pushing excercise equipment on informercials.
Dubya: You know when you hit an animal with you car, and it is not yet dead, but twitching there in pain, and you should put it out of it's misery. . . .
Dick Cheney: The Anti-Christ, eliminating him would just make the world a better place. Do you trust that face . . . No, no, I mean really.
Bill O'Reily/Rush Limbaugh: You know if you are going to the the guy to measure the moral compass of the world . . . well people in glass houses. . . .
Paula Abdul: Her singing makes Britney look like Aretha Franklin. She is about the fakest person I have seen on TV in a while. But she is so nice! Don't you want to knock the teeth out of that smile.
Rupert Murdoch: Anyone who owns that much of the media, with that kind of political agenda has to be stopped.
Joel Schumacher: Mr. Scumacher, what happened, at one time you were a very good director
Lost Boys, St. Elmo's Fire . . .then
Batman Forever, Batman and Robin. You sir are responsible for setting the Batman franchise back 40 years. DIRTY DIRTY BOY!
Stan Lee: Does than man realize he is over. Fine you created some nice characters. Go retire. No one cares about your opinion anymore. Why are you on my TV. 'Nuff Said!
The National Basketball Association: With ratings way down and barely beating hockey, you need to get away from the thug, homeboy basketball, that Micheal Jordan helped usher in. Iverson, Shaq, and a few others are the worst thing to ever happen to the sport. I hope you get smacked around in the Olympics again. And you idiots that defend the NBA. "Defense is much better" Doofus, you can play zone, zone was illegal up until the late 1990's. "The rest of the world has caught up" Yeah and they know how to play the sport better than the NBA does. You have ostracized white middle class America. Now a lock out should do wonders for your woes.
George Lucas: I have already said enough about him with this blog. I'll let him get back up and dust himself off, before a large asteroid lands on his head. Maybe he won't die, and the asteroid will actually be an escape pod filled with Gungans.
Hollywood: Hey guys, I'd really like to see more remakes of old movies, especially bad ones. And you know, there are still a bunch crappy Oprah books you haven't made into movies. Oh and you have remade enough of those really good movies that shouldn't be remade from the past. Hey, I would love to see an updated version of
Citizen Kane starring Ashton Kutcher! Or
Taxi Driver starring Jimi Fallon . . . or perhaps
Smokey and the Bandit starring Vin Deisel.
Reality TV: Most of it is unwatchable. And real; more formulaic than pop music. The worst show is American Idol. Really think about this. If someone was that talented, why would they need a show like this to be discovered. I think it is funny, that these hacks disappear after their first album.
PETA: I don't think I even have to explain this one.
Christianity: Now I am going to get a lot of flack for this, but generally Christianity is more hypocritcal than the Catholic Church. Most of the Christians I know are the Bible thumping kind, and they all intepret the Bible differently; even from other Christains, and they all think thre particualar version is right. I have even had Christian associates that have told me anyone not of their particualar sect of beliefs is going to the Hell. Think about that, wouldn't you rather go to Hell? If you want to spout, "What Would Jesus Do?", you need to apply it to your own life. By the way, the Bible Code does not exist, Revelations was a book added 300 years after the Bible was finalized by the ultra crooked Council of Trent. And Creationist dogma; man don't get me started on that, that will be another long blog..
Linkin Park/Dave Matthews Band: So overated. SO SO OVERATED. C'mon I know you can say it o - v - e - r - a - t - e - d. Good job, now toss those CD's off a bridge.
Alanis Morrisette: The creator of female angst rock . . . HAHAHAHAHAHA. Hey Alanis, ever hear of PJ Harvey? Ani Difranco? Liz Phair? Why do you pretend they don't exist?
FRIENDS: This show make me want to vomit. I hate the entire cast. I wanted to write the season finally, where they all die gruesome deaths . . . that would be funny.
Ray Romano: Again, what is the appeal. Everyone loves Raymond except for Malach.
Oprah: SHUT UP! Just shut up! And take that Dr. Phil train wreck with you.
Mitt Romney: When that scumbag is the next president you will know why. Dubya; only charming and well spoken. It will take MA 15 years to recover form the mess he has made.
Tito Ortiz: I enjoy watching him lose. For those of you not familar, Mixed Martial Artist, annoying whining attitude. I wanna fight him, even though he'd kick my ass.
NASA: A wonderful example of bureacracy gone wrong. Ever hear of Spaceship One? Your days are numbered, methinks. I will give you some slack though , it is not totally your fault. I mean, your budget is half of what it was in 1985. You are is dire need a major change. Americans though, do love a good disaster, and you have becomes the masters of it.
The UN: This joke of an organization needs to be dissolved. When all you can do it make proclamations and can't stand up to half you member countries (especially the US), there needs to be a major change. UN sanctions . . . try US sanctions.
Modern Hip Hop/Rap: Disco is dead? Nope. Check out most of modern rap. Disco, only with profanity, sex, and gats. Gone are the days of Public Enemy, NWA, Erik B., BDP, De La Soul. The only thing I have found worth listing to nowadays? OutKast, Kayne West, Mr. Lif.
BRATZ and those responsible for them: Look at this:

Turning young girls into sluts real early aren't we? Why is there no out cry against these trashy, trampy, dolls designed for 6 year olds? My god, these little floozies have a ski chalet play set with a hot tub, and boy band looking metrosexual boy toys. You might want to put condoms in the package. Or at least the morning after pill.
Wal-Mart/Microsoft/Time Warner/et al: These companies have more pull and power that some countries. Goddammit, I love Wal-Mart, no I hate them, but I need to buy some deordorant for $0.25. These large "monopolies" need to have more of a social concious and worry less about profits.
Pro Lifers: It is not about killing the unborn, it is about limiting the rights of women. Pro Lifers (and groups like PETA) should be listed as terrorist groups. How does the old joke go: "Son were conservatives, that is the only type of killing we don't condone".
Marvel and DC Comics: Guys the 80's and 90's is over. You know, I have always had this dream of taking one of these companies over, scrapping their entire history and rebuilding them form scratch.
The FCC: Any organization with that much power, under the direct influence of the presidential administration needs to be dismantled. Did you know there is no legal way to fight a FCC fine? Howard Stern did an experiment. On an Oprah show, they used the word "vagina". Oprah was not fined fro the show. Stern contended he would be fined for doping that exact type of show, so he replayed the Oprah's show that contained that word, and lo and behold Stern was fined for it. It is too subjective, and based upon the whims at the time of it's leader, and the influence of the government. Be on the air and be anti-Bush? Watch out for indecency fines.
Religion in general: If religion was eliminated from the world, 90% of the wars we have fought would have never occured. You guys need to follow the teachings, and not have religions and religious leaders intrepret them for you. This leads to Jihad, child molesting preists, and things like the Inquisitions and Crusades.
The Democratic Party: No identity. Idiots pick a stance. This party is not long for the world if it does not get some good leadership soon. Don't pander to the whole world, find your indentity and stick to it and DONT BE ASHAMED OF IT!
Modern Country Music: See entry about above Hip Hop. Gone are the Johnny Cashes, Willie Nelsons (in fact these guys couldn't get signed by country labels), and enter Shania Twain and Tim McGraw. Pop music with a banjo. I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!!! WTF IS THAT?!
Deadheads, Phishhead, Parrotheads, etc: Now really, you guys are as bad as those that dress up and have lightsaber fights in the parking lot of the local theater during the premiere of Lucas's latest
Star Wars fiasco. Honestly, this stuff ain't really that good, the drugs make it better, but the 60's ended 40 years ago.
US Public Schools: Good luck 2005 graduates!!!
There is something for the buckos to mull over, please leave me your list in comments, we can compare. I am sure I left some out, may there will be a part II or a revision.
I'm Malach and your not!